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Soliloquy on Clinical Despondency

The Bi-polar Swing


There is no reason

It can’t be fixed with conversation

It can’t be described with words

It is simply a disconnect

You are there, and I am here, and people are around and I just.don’

I function



Tasks are fine. I can DO

I just can’t FEEL.

Don’t ask me to try

There is no happy, or sad, or elated, or grumpy, or jovial, or laughter, or calm, or flirty

Those functions are out of order

Maintenance required

Please standby.


There is no cause

No singular event that will make you say “aha! That’s why. Now I understand.”

For it is C-lin-i-cal

You will not understand

Unless you have been here yourself

Then perhaps you might

Or if you’ve witnessed a loved one, falling down a well

You reached out to catch them, but they slipped through your fingers

Perhaps they didn’t even try to be caught

It must be hard for you - the witness of the fall

I am sorry it is hard

I am sorry.


There is only one way out

I can see it over there, the path to "normality"


I’m not ready

Not yet. My feet won’t even move

Perhaps I won’t make it alone this time

This may require,


Small things. Prescription only

One a day

Simulated convention in round white blocks

Taste like shit if they linger on your tongue

They don’t fix

They just mask,

The worst bits

And suppress certain brain functions

Wait it out or lose a limb?

Quite the choice.


I wish I could hide it

So you don’t have to see

So no-one can see

It’s like standing naked in a crowd,

And everyone is wondering what the fuck is wrong with you?

And I shrug

Knowing I should care,

but I don’t

I can’t

Out of service, remember?


So here I stand


And there you are, wondering


And offering me a raincoat

I appreciate the offer

But it won’t help

Besides, it doesn’t fit


I may wake up tomorrow



And everyone can breathe a sigh of relief

Or not

I wish I could tell you when

Or how

This will end

But I cannot


There is no reason

It's Clinical.